Pappa wants mamma naked
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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