You can't special order awesome
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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