My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize