respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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