if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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