Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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