i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
