You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
