brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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