He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
