glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
