She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
