I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
