That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
a search helicopter?!
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
