I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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