hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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