Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
whose parrot is this?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
why does every cop we meet know your name?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
