The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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