Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
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I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
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He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
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