the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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