This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
