i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Randomize