I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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