Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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