Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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