areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
