Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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