she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
