Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(314): View more from Missouri

rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?

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(314): rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places? http://tfl.nu/i464

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(313): View more from Michigan

That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.

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(313): That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve. http://tfl.nu/vdk5

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(330): View more from Ohio

Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.

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(330): Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy. http://tfl.nu/mi86

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off

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(570): A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off http://tfl.nu/1xmy

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(248): View more from Michigan

you lied. pity sex is amazing.

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(248): you lied. pity sex is amazing. http://tfl.nu/c61w

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(707): View more from California

he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?

(1-707): View more from California

logic in its finest

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(707): he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i? (1-707): logic in its finest http://tfl.nu/z7qz

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(402): View more from Nebraska

Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing

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(402): Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing http://tfl.nu/n0bj

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(574): View more from Indiana

My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.

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(574): My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall. http://tfl.nu/kdj3

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(513): View more from Ohio

i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.

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(513): i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure. http://tfl.nu/ruyi

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(615): View more from Tennessee

I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.

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(615): I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us. http://tfl.nu/3t30

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(615): View more from Tennessee

She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.

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(615): She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse. http://tfl.nu/chf5

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(715): View more from Wisconsin

I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.

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(715): I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk. http://tfl.nu/px56

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(514): View more from Quebec

can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??

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(514): can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me?? http://tfl.nu/2sh7

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.

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(610): spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN. http://tfl.nu/4bnj

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(204): View more from Manitoba

Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...

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(204): Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"... http://tfl.nu/0fub

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