I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.