My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
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I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
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He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen