does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.