So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
