JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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