also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
