If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
This beer is not sobering me up at all
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
