and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
