End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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