maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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