You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Randomize
