i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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