Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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