So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
