is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
