I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
