do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
