I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Randomize
