I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Randomize
