Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
