just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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