Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
