So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
