oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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