I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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