they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
