I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
