It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Actions speak louder than pants.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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