she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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