it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
