Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
