she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
