i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize