he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
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