he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
