I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize