i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
