Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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